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Screenplay for Portlandia

Scene one: A Portland Neighborhood

A male and female fire fighter are looking at a notice on the door of a house.  Smoke is coming out of the bottom and sides of the door.

Behind them across the street is a house on fire.  Two children are in a second story window crying out for help as smoke billows around them.

First Fireperson:  Is that a three or a two under dogs?

Second Fireperson:  Let’s assume it’s a three.

First Fireperson:  I wish they’d differentiate on the type of bird.  That Blue Macaw that surprised us last week was uncalled for.

They pull down their visors and break down the door.

In the background neighbors with a ladder are rescuing the children

Scene two:  A neighborhood in Portland.

A canvasser for OSPIRG is approaching a house.  From an opposite direction the fire fighters, now in civilian dress,  also approach’  The man is carrying a small potted plant.  The couple stop the canvasser:

Man:  Oh, you don’t want to knock on their door. They are in mourning.

Woman:  Yes, they just lost their 16 year old d (the canvasser assumes the d is the start of daughter)…dog.


Scene three:  A Portland neighborhood.


A canvasser for Environment Oregon walks up on a porch and knocks on the door.  It is opened by the female fire fighter in civilian dress.  She is holding a small elderly dog.

Canvasser:  Hi, I’m Rachel, and I’m with Environment Oregon. We’re working to protect Crater Lake, and we’re looking for our member Carrie.

Carrie:  Oh, I am so sorry.  I just can’t renew my membership this year.  Portlandia (she indicates the dog) just got out of the hospital and the bill was $12,000 dollars.  She also is taking seven different medicines and her special diet is costing three hundred a month.

Scene four:  Alberta Street in front of the Tin Shed Garden Cafe.


The fire fighter couple approach, enter and are shown to a table. They pick up menus.


Man:  What looks good to you?

Woman:  Gosh, we should have brought Portlandia!  There are three items on the menu for dogs.

Scene Five:  The couple are in a car.  They stop at a light.  A homeless man with a sign approaches them.  In back of him is a billboard.




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